


The Remaining Flame

by placida_nox



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, series finale spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 01:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/placida_nox/pseuds/placida_nox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reishi carries the burden of what he did everyday and all he wants is for his pain and grief to stop. And for Mikoto to come back to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Remaining Flame

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning:
> 
> One of the characters have a panic attack around the middle of the fic, it gets described for around 3 short paragraphs so if you start to feel uncomfortable just skip over them because the attack doesn't last long.  
> There's also some blood, but it's not that different from what you see in the anime.
> 
> Please enjoy :)

 

Reishi unlocked the front door of his apartment. Once inside, he slumped heavily against it, taking off his glasses and tucking them away in the front pocket of his jacket. He sighed as he rubbed his temples with his fingers, attempting to keep the migraine that had been threatening him all day at work, at bay.  

He started to take slow steps towards his bedroom. He felt sluggish and exhausted, like his body was going to collapse in on itself at any moment. He steadied himself on the wall of hallway which also guided him forward, it felt as though walking a metre took hours of energy.

Suddenly his knees buckled and he slid down the wall onto the floor. He rubbed his tired eyes but when his hands touched his face they didn’t just feel his skin, instead they were disrupting the flow of tears down his cheeks. Reishi drew his knees to his chest trying to ignore the sharp pain that was starting to form in his stomach. More tears started to well up faster in his eyes, and they stung.

He curled in on himself tighter. Why did it still hurt so much? Why must he be haunted every day by the memory of what he did? Why did this agonising pain rip through him whenever he thought he’d managed to forget?

He wanted a moment of relief, he didn’t want to be punished any more. Every day he had to struggle through the pain and the grief and he was tired, so tired. He just wanted it to end.

He wiped away the tears with the back of his hand and took a few deep breaths, which did little to calm him. He managed to stand up, his legs steady enough to guide him to his bedroom. But over the past few months, Reishi had come to realize that if he was looking for some rest, he would find little in his dreams.

***

Reishi opened his eyes when he felt a chilly breeze blow around him. Once his eyes were able to focus in the grey light, he took the time to take in his surroundings. Small flakes of snow were drifting down from the heavy clouds above him, the snow had blanketed everything around him – there wasn’t a patch of earth that wasn't cloaked in pristine white. He didn’t feel the bitterness of a winter day as he expected, he looked down and saw he was wearing his SCEPTRE4 uniform. His jacket was probably shielding him from the cold but although that reason seemed logical, it didn’t feel like the right one.

There was also a small part of him that told him he should know where he was but he couldn’t place it, neither the dreary looking abandoned buildings nor the large oak tree near him could help him place the location he was in as familiar to him.

Where was he? Reishi was convinced he knew the answer but his mind was swimming in confusion so he couldn’t answer his own question although it was probably important to do so.

The icy wind picked up unexpectedly and his body started to shiver violently, like all aspects of the winter day had decided to affect him now all at once. He drew his arms around himself attempting to keep up the warmth his jacket had afforded him earlier. But he didn’t need to try and protect himself against the wind for long because a sudden, intense warmth engulfed him. He turned around to find the source and breathed out a sigh of relief.

Mikoto was standing there surrounded by his red aura providing a welcome heat that protected Reishi from the cold.

The corner of Mikoto’s mouth was turned up in a small, characteristic smile but Reishi didn’t fail to notice how tired his eyes looked and the hint of sadness hidden beneath the surface but it did nothing to dispel the sense of relief he felt seeing Mikoto after what felt like so long.

He walked quickly over to Mikoto and drew him into a tight hug, which Mikoto returned. It seemed like too long since Reishi was able to hold Mikoto close like this, he missed the comfortable and contented sensation that filled him and the feel of Mikoto’s strong arms around him.

Why did everything here feel slightly off though? Where were they?

Mikoto pulled away slightly so he could look into Reishi’s face before he leaned in and kissed Reishi gently.

Reishi had also missed that, the feel of Mikoto’s lips against his, kissing him with a need and hunger that Reishi couldn’t help but return.

After a long moment they ended the kiss, breathing a little harder than before as they caught their breaths. Reishi moved Mikoto’s hands down to his waist so his arms were free. Reishi’s hands travelled up Mikoto’s arms to rest on the back of Mikoto’s neck, his thumbs stroking Mikoto’s cheekbones lightly.

Reishi leaned in to kiss him again.

“Where have you been?” Reishi murmured against his lips.

Mikoto released his grip on Reishi’s waist, and he placed his hands over where Reishi’s were and held them, their fingers intertwining.

“I’ve been here,” he replied quietly.

Mikoto lifted up one of Reishi’s hands to press a kiss to his palm before he kissed Reishi’s cheek tenderly, his lips lingering against Reishi’s skin. Eventually he reluctantly pulled back, putting a little space between them and stared down at the ground, avoiding Reishi’s increasingly confused gaze.

It was an excruciatingly long moment before Mikoto looked up to meet his eyes with a look of such deep sorrow that almost made Reishi gasp, but tears still welled up in his eyes  and were quickly falling down his cheeks.

What was happening? Why was this so sad? Reishi didn’t understand which only made more tears fall.

Mikoto’s brows quirked and the small smile he had on his lips, turned into a sad one as traces of tears formed in the corner of his eyes.

“I’m sorry Reishi,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Mikoto suddenly grunted in pain. Reishi saw blood spill down Mikoto’s shirt.

Reishi’s heart started to pound furiously in his chest and he couldn’t hear anything over it. He started to breathe in short sharp bursts but it was as though none of the air was making it to his lungs, and his vision started to blur at the edges. Reishi felt dizzy which didn’t help him fend off the helplessness and the panic.

It took a while for Reishi to realise his own role in the scene that was unfolding before him. When he looked at his hands, his stomach dropped.

He started to shake as his eyes took in the sight of his hands clutching the handle of his sabre, the blade buried in Mikoto’s chest next to his heart. Blood caked Reishi’s hands. There was so much of it, it covered everything. He couldn’t understand how all of it could be Mikoto’s.

He was surprised by Mikoto’s hands on his shoulders. “Let go.”

Reishi’s heart was still racing so he barely heard Mikoto’s words.

Reishi shook his head and muttered, “No, no, no.” His breaths were shallow, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the blood still pouring from where the blade pierced Mikoto’s skin.

Mikoto’s grip tightened and he leaned in closer so his mouth was next to Reishi’s ear.

“Let go, Reishi.” He whispered soothingly.

The words got through, and he felt his tense muscles relax gradually until his hands released the handle of his sabre and he fell to his knees, his hands covering his face as he sobbed quietly.

He heard the quiet rustling of clothing and realized that Mikoto had gotten on his knees too, in front of Reishi. It wasn’t more than a few seconds before he felt Mikoto’s arms around him once more in the same embrace. Except Mikoto’s usual heat had considerably faded.

Mikoto held him until Reishi had stopped crying and his breathing had slowed to a more regular pace. Mikoto’s hands closed on top of Reishi’s and pulled them away to stop hiding his face.

“No,” Reishi whimpered. “The blood.” He didn’t want to see any more of it, so much had spread everywhere and stained him.

“Look.” He heard Mikoto say gently.

Reishi opened his eyes and there was nothing to look at, except Mikoto’s calm face and their hands intertwined, and clean.

One of Mikoto’s hands went up to cup Reishi’s cheek, Reishi leaned into the touch. He looked into Reishi’s eyes who was glad that some of the sadness that had been there had dissipated.

“I’m sorry I made you do it,” he said in a regretful tone as he stroked Reishi’s cheek. “The only thing that made me not want to do it was you, you know.”

“I knew I would have to do it,” Reishi replied in a hoarse voice. “If it had to happen, I wanted to do it, so you knew the person who…killed you,” Reishi choked out, “cared about you.”

“Thanks,” Mikoto smiled.

He leaned his forehead against Reishi’s. “I’ll miss you though,” he said with a small laugh.

Reishi sighed but returned the laugh with a small smile, “I’ll miss you too.”

Mikoto closed the space between their faces and kissed Reishi, for what would be the last time. It started as tender and gentle and became more passionate. But Reishi felt Mikoto’s touch become lighter and lighter.

***

Reishi rubbed his bleary eyes and rolled over to stare at the other side of the bed. The sheets were mostly undisturbed, the soft light of the rising sun was shining through the sliding, glass door warming the space next to him. The empty space.

He reached out his hand and stroked the pillow where he knew Mikoto’s face should be resting, with Mikoto’s body next to his own in bed.

There was a familiar tightening in his chest but it wasn’t as intense as Reishi had come to expect and no tears formed in his eyes. He supposed they had run out now, there were no more tears left to shed for his lost lover.

The warmth from the sun’s rays on the pillow was similar to the kind of warmth Reishi had felt in the…dream. That was what it had been, a dream. But Reishi knew that nothing and no one could replace what Mikoto had given him.

Reishi finally understood that a lot of his sadness had been a fear of forgetting him, as well as how Mikoto felt about what Reishi had done - fear of blame. He was scared that he’d forget Mikoto’s voice, his smile, his touch.

They had been forced to take different paths that had split them a part slightly but that hadn’t meant they wouldn’t be forever a part of each other. They had been drawn to each other by instinct then stayed by each other’s side because of something more.

Nothing had worked out like it should but Reishi wouldn’t take any of it back if he got the chance. He would never regret the moments they had gotten to spend together.

Reishi had accepted his destiny early on, knowing exactly what his future held for him, had become reserved to that fact and accepted the sense of boredom and hollowness that had mutated in his core. He’d never anticipated meeting anyone like Mikoto who sparked such a fire in him with his passion that Reishi couldn’t help but be swept away.

The fire had mostly gone out that winter day and the person who had stoked it; their own fire had flickered out and left Reishi in the cold. But there was a small flame left, the memory of Mikoto, and although it didn’t burn like it used to, it was a warm, comfortable feeling next to Reishi’s heart.


End file.
